The "Magic" of Catholicism

I never thought religion to be a dirty word, but it has become such.  By the very people who claim to hold fast to its value.  They use it as a shield, as an excuse and even as a reason for their choices.  Good or bad, mind you. 

 I’ve spent many years on both sides of that coin.  Making what the general public would deem to be good choices due to what was expected/taught from the religious sect that I belonged to.  And also, struggling to do what I believe is right and just even though it veers from the teachings engrained in my being.

So, I distanced myself from the Catholic Church.  Not necessarily from Catholicism, but from the organization that enforces its rules.  Overall, there are so many aspects of this religion that I find inspiring, motivating and spirituality progressive.  However, it’s the key issues where we disagree and as such, I could no longer continue on that path.  In good conscience, that is.

My view of Catholicism may seem rather counterintuitive to their structure but it is nonetheless.  I loved the mysticism, the beauty, the magic of it all.  The idea that there were spiritual beings that could appear before you, unseen to anyone else.  That Jesus could perform miracles, angels could offer support and comfort, and saints could put in a good word for you.  I absorbed the idea of hope, of treating others with unconditional love and respect.  Of believing in the goodness of my neighbors and trusting that by believing strongly enough all would turn out right. 

I must stop here for a moment and state that I have NOT read the Bible in full.  I can’t quote chapters to support my statements or counter the church’s teachings with readings that they appear to twist to their own advantage.  This writing exercise is intended to express how Catholicism impacted (and continues to impact) my life today.  What I seek to impart is my own point of view because perhaps others may share it or find a new perspective on a long-held belief.

 

I went to Mass every week, said my prayers diligently, took all the applicable sacraments and embraced the title of “Catholic”.  I linked my faith with the choices I made, with the personality traits that I celebrated in myself.  Goodness, kindness, forgiveness and hope.  But there was always a disconnect between my faith and religion when it came to the strongest of my positive attributes – open-mindedness. 

Catholicism re-enforced the idea of unconditional love for all.  That love was more powerful than hate.  To not pass judgment on others.  To live life to the best of my ability and that those qualities that Jesus promoted would shine through me as an example.  But as I got into my young adult years I started to pay closer attention to what was being asked of me.  I admired, praised and worshipped the woman known as the “Blessed Mother”.  A woman depicted as kind, nurturing, supportive and full of forgiveness.  Her presence in the Catholic Church is everywhere.  She’s valued.  Given a prominent place of importance.  Yet I wondered why women were treated on such an inferior level as men.  To my recollection, and the teachings I can recall, Jesus respected and valued women.  He lifted them up instead of knocking them down.  So why not recognize the many gifts that the female sex has to offer in the development of your faith?

 

I’m not going to rant about the fact that women are not permitted to be priests or that reading options for Catholic wedding ceremonies are about cattle and belonging to a man.  Instead, I pose the following question…are your interpretations of the Bible stifling spiritual progression?  I am proud to be a woman of kindness, compassion, grace and hope.  I welcome those aspects of myself.  But at the same time I also have in-depth questions that need answered. 

 

I am a woman stuck between two worlds.  Between the idea of a pure, virginal, compassionate young lady and the one who experienced significant physical connections.  I struggled with what I considered to be angelic and pure with the physical needs that seemed natural.  I became incredibly embarrassed when members of the opposite sex showed any kind of interest in me.  I doubted my beauty.  I saw a young lady who was pretty but not gorgeous, angelic not sexy.  It plagued me to know the church only promoted one aspect of womanhood.  That we were to suppress those natural urges.  That being proud of your body, acknowledging the physical needs and expressing them were not only wrong but against Jesus’ teaching.

 

Those beliefs affected so much of my life and how I viewed myself.  I embraced the part of myself that’s entrenched in beauty, grace and compassion.  I didn’t doubt for a moment that those qualities are beneficial to the greater good, but when I started acknowledging the woman within my spirituality flourished in a way it never had before.  I felt connected to my body, my mind, my spirit.  Most importantly, I was connected to God on a deeper and more profound level.

I don’t intend to imply that young girls should start sleeping with everyone they come into contact with or act on all of their sexual urges.  Where we run into trouble is not acknowledging our feelings.  Right or wrong, admit they exist.  Then make choices that move you forward, not back.  This is where I believe the church could use some assistance.  You teach women to abstain.  To save themselves until marriage.  To stifle those feminine urges and wait until God has chosen your marriage partner.  Only then is it acceptable to embrace your sexuality.  That is…as long as your partner is of a different gender.  More on that in a later post.  Then, if a woman does “sin” it’s up to man to absolve her.  In the way that Jesus welcomed Mary Magdalene with open arms.  A woman viewed by others as a prostitute and a sinner.  It’s God-like for the Church to welcome sinners back into the fold.  But I question whether that was necessary to begin with.  Besides, my view of Mary Magdalene differs significantly from the teachings of the Catholic Church.

 

Male or female, adult or child, young or old…we are all on a spiritual journey.  We all struggle to intertwine both the good and bad within.  I am still searching for a religious organization that benefits me on a spiritual level.  I hope to find one but that won’t stop me from continuing to balance the emotional strength of Mother Mary with the woman called Mary Magdalena.