Taking Sides

Taking sides. We all do at some point. Maybe not to an extreme but we have opinions that can sometimes lead to passionate points of view.


You’re either Pro-Choice or Pro-Life, Republican or Democrat, part of a union or the organization that holds the purse strings. Our society, in general, is a very vocal one. We don’t hold back from speaking our mind. I applaud those who don’t shy away from issues of differing opinion. What I don’t agree with is the apparent belief that inflicting verbal, physical or mental harm on someone else simply because your points of view don’t match is acceptable. It is not; in any way, shape or form.

I do not deny that I feel passionately about certain subjects. I’ve picked sides and I still do. I’ve chosen a political viewpoint that reflects the ideals I hold most precious. And there are absolutely times when I cringe when I find out a friend or colleague may be of an opposing political affiliation. But that moment passes and I’m left with the knowledge that whatever our differences may be we are fundamentally the same. We have goals, wishes, hopes, strengths and hurdles to overcome.

That’s not to say that the side we choose does not have meaning. It does. Our beliefs and actions matter to us. Otherwise we wouldn’t be so adamant and passionate about those opinions we vocalize. So to say that your political views, social interactions or position on human rights issues doesn’t somehow reflect who you are…I ask “How could it not?” The choices we make define us. Sometimes to our benefit but other times to a fault.

I tend to gravitate more to those who share my ethical, moral, religious and political ideologies. These individuals are people whose actions, beliefs and personality types inspire me and comfort me; Individuals who believe in climate change and do what they can to make a difference. Those who fight to free those imprisoned by violence, bigotry or cruelty. Community members who choose to offer support, kindness and respect even when they themselves are struggling. These are the people I admire. The ones that I feel a kinship with.

You only have to read interviews from opposing sides to realize that they appear to be on completely different worlds. They aren’t always fighting about the same issue. They aren’t anywhere near one another in understanding, respect and forward thinking. They both believe their opinion is the right one and NO ONE will dissuade them otherwise. In their minds they are correct and those who disagree – merely misguided. I suppose that’s why it’s called extreme.

What’s most perplexing, and rather disturbing, to me is the lack of communication; respectful communication. You may feel strongly about an issue whether it’s protecting the environment, child poverty or human trafficking. You get all riled up and motivated to speak your mind, desperately wanting someone else to hear what you have to say. And rightly so. Your opinion matters – and not only to you.

Our society strengthens when we, as a community, choose honest discourse. When we are able to sit across from one another and have open communication without the need to start a food fight. I’m opposed to hunting. I find it deplorable, despicable and down right cruel. But, I have family members and ancestors who partake in this activity. While I disagree vehemently with their choice of action I respect that it theirs to make. Instead of sulking, holding resentment or badmouthing them at every turn I choose to use written communication as my way of opening dialogue. All that I can’t find the words to say when face to face with controversy I can express fluidly through my writings.

My opinions, actions and writings say a great deal about that which I care about. It’s not all that defines me but it’s a pretty big part.

Academy Award time!

I am delightfully pleased with the Academy Award nominations this year.  I look forward to them every award season but this time more so than usual.  Precisely because all of the Best Picture nominees are ones I want to see or have already seen.  They're all films that I saw previews for and thought "That looks good.  I'd like to see that." And trust me that is quite a rarity.

So, I highly recommend watching the Academy Awards on Sunday, February 26th 2012.  Have a viewing party or curl up on your sofa in your jammies and fuzzy slippers.  Or...if you're adventurous and financially able, fly out to Los Angeles and see the show from a comfy theatre seat.  If you do the latter and need a travelling companion I'm volunteering!

As usual I will be hosting my own viewing party, complete with a themed menu.  While I look forward to having lots of friends and family it may just be me and my immediate family.  They'll come because there's free food.  That's always a plus!

**Check out http://oscar.go.com/ for loads more fun and to learn about the nominees.**

A Silent Voice

Working in the retail industry you learn fairly quickly that the “customer is always right”. Uh-huh, sure they are! But you nod, smile and tell them you appreciate their business. They can yell, complain and voice their opinion to anyone who’ll listen. There are those customers, you know the ones, who have no qualms whatsoever about vocalizing their opinions. They’ll rant, rave and cause a scene if that means they can make their point loud and clear.



But what about those of us who don’t shout from the rooftops, demand to see the manager or send scathing letters to the editor? We have opinions. We have a voice. We just don’t cause a ruckus like others tend to do. We take stock (not literally) of our surroundings. We pay attention to the actions of others. We listen, observe and make assessments based on what we see and hear. We have strong points of view on certain subjects like decency, respect and courtesy. If we don’t like the service we receive as a customer we’ll simply discontinue our business, without fanfare.



So, while there are many in our community who fill our editorial sections, public speaking forums and social media outlets with outspoken comments there are just as many who remain silent. And it is those individuals I wish to address today.



As someone who tries to avoid confrontation I tend to dislike controversy. If my opinion differs from the majority (which happens quite frequently as of late) I’ll take to my notebook and write feverishly all that want to say but don’t have the courage to vocalize in public. Sound familiar to anyone? I’ll get all riled up reading a newspaper article lambasting teachers and after some deep breathing exercises I’ll proceed with my day. When I hear a politician talk about stripping rights away from fellow citizens I shake my head and change the channel. But when someone negatively critiques a TV show that I love I’m immediately taking to my computer and writing well-thought out counterpoint arguments. Now, why do I hesitate on issues that hit close to home when I have no qualms making my opinion heard on entertainment topics? For one, speaking out about civil/human rights, respectful discourse, political issues and teacher negotiations means that while my opinion may be mine alone it doesn’t always stop other individuals from using my words to inflict harm on others.



I have not spoken up about my opinions on important subjects precisely because I worry that my words could be irrationally projected onto those I care about. As though they’re standing over my shoulder telling me what to type and think. Preposterous! But yet I worry. Rationally, I know that the majority of my fellow citizens understand and appreciate a person’s right to freedom of expression. But there are those who scour for reasons to cause trouble. To pick and choose your words and twist them to their own advantage. All you have to do is look at snippets from interviews with politicians and entertainers. It’s like a major cut-and-paste job. Then those whose words were misconstrued now have to scramble to explain themselves.



I like to think of this as the “witness stand” effect. You say the least possible as to not give the other person enough room to twist your words for their own benefit. But what does that say about us? I believe in a balance between freedom of expression and using your words with care. Language is an incredible way for us to communicate. It’s an art form really. Picking and choosing particular words, phrases and sentences to convey meaning and intention. Those who decide to use words to inflict harm upon others have violated the very language they so freely utilize.



And so…I implore those of you who may have very strong opinions to speak up. You may likely have resisted the desire to make your voice heard but in doing so we allow the words spoken in anger, hatred and frustration to fester within our community. Our opinions may not always be of the same viewpoint but when we choose to communicate with decency and respect then that helps further discussion and growth for us all.

A Thankless Job

I am a daughter, sister and friend to those who have selected teaching as their profession of choice. I admire them. I respect them. I value them. I acquired those affections long ago; as a student in the Neshaminy School District. For fourteen years, I was immersed in education. Surrounded by educators of all different personalities, teaching styles and ages. But one thing that never changed was my appreciation and respect for them.



There was a time, not too long ago, when the education profession was viewed as valuable. The educators as hard working, dedicated individuals deserving of praise. Now, I can’t read the newspaper without someone in the community lambasting a teacher. It’s not an issue of behavior, morals, ethics or the job performance. Instead, the complaints have to do with economic strain. The strain that the school district, community, taxpayers and staff are under.


I will not deny that I am an avid supporter of teachers. And the public school system. I truly believe they are worth all they’ve been given and more. I work a 9-5 job. I don’t bring my work home with me. I don’t cut lamin on the weekends, grade papers until 9 o’clock at night or go to sports activities in support of my students. Clearly, I am very passionate about my support of the Neshaminy School District’s teachers. But one lesson that I took away from my time as a Neshaminy student was the value in communication.


In the conversations, or lack thereof, regarding teacher contract “negotiations” I’ve noticed a rather interesting omission; the student’s perspective. The issue of how working to contract or a strike will affect students is discussed fervently by those in opposition of the Neshaminy Federation of Teachers’ (NFT) position. They claim the students will suffer more than anyone. I agree, but not as you may think. What’s been neglected in the conversations, editorials and venting comments is the realization that children are aware of much more then we sometimes give them credit for. Consider the following comparison…teachers and their district’s school board are the in the midst of an ugly divorce. There’s badmouthing, blame gaming, and hurt feelings being tossed around in the presence of the children. They’re being bombarded with negativity at every turn.


When teachers are demoralized, criticized or publicly humiliated do we not realize how this affects their students? What kind of lessons are we teaching when we attempt to strip away the rights of the very people entrusted with their education? In an ever changing world, students have been put in an incredibly difficult position. What’s the message we are telling them when disrespect takes center stage?


Sometime during the aging process our society, in general, has forgotten what it was like to be a student. We’re so busy being concerned about taxes, the economy, politics, parental responsibilities and on, and on. That’s understandable. Of course, your primary concern would be the well being of your family, friends and your own interests. You need to be able to provide for your family, pay for health insurance and deal with the unforeseen issues that arise as a homeowner. There’s no doubt in my mind that you may be struggling. But while you are working through your stressors, issues and conflicts please don’t forget that so are your neighbors. The next time you are inclined to lash out at the “greedy, blood-sucking teachers” why not recall your favorite teachers instead?


And what about the other point of view? How does the school board fit into this piece? My initial reaction is a negative one but that stems from my perceived opinion on their “actions” in the midst of this contract disagreement. As a student my only concern with the school board happened when their decisions impacted my educational well-being. I attended my first meeting when they threatened to cut the music program, which meant losing our music teacher, and that was a major no-no for me and many of my classmates! Other than that, I didn’t have much opinion either way on them. They were sort of like an unforeseen puppet master who pulled the strings only now and again. 


I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. To believe that they are doing their utmost in a given situation and truly working hard to resolve complex issues. In that vein, I must give the school board credit for the work they’ve already done. The recent political race showed me that very few have stepped forward to willingly be part of the school board. In that respect, it’s a thankless job. Sound familiar?


Instead of negotiating a contract through the media, hurdling insults and crossing arms like stubborn children why not show that you mean what you say? Meeting once a month, with no progression, isn’t doing any of us any good. This situation will only continue to escalate in vitriol until the NFT and the Neshaminy School Board realize that communication and respect are keys to resolving this issue. When they start meeting every week, stop the mud-slinging and lead by example then hopefully the negativity infecting our community will lessen.

A lost home; a lost opportunity

My mother’s childhood home was torn down to put in a home improvement chain. A house that was built by her grandfather. One that was filled with love, laughter and memories. A place that died when her father did. I don’t presume to know the thoughts or opinions of those who chose to level the building but I can assume that my great-grandfather’s home was a hurdle to someone else’s economic and business needs.



I recently found a box of family photographs, some of which belonged to my maternal grandmother. In showing them to my mom for identification of people I didn’t know she would pause at each picture that displayed the house she grew up in. “I loved that fireplace,” she must’ve said at least a dozen times. “Oh, look at that ceiling. Did you find one with a shot of the cherubs?” She talked about the French doors, the family gatherings, the love she had for that place. And what once made me angry instantly made me sad.


There’s a reason that shelter is an essential part of our survival. To have a place that protects us from extreme elements, gives us a place to rest and privacy. But, in my opinion, it also gives us comfort and community. Pride in your achievements and motivation for reaching a goal. To know that a place that once was loved, valued and honored was destroyed so easily literally tears at my spirit. I hear the cries of pain, the wails of the spirits that once lived and loved there. The sadness of my family members who loved it so. Who gave so much attention to a building that cared for them.


I understand and accept that progress is inevitable. I don’t dispute that or wish us to cease growing, learning and improving. But…at what cost? And I don’t mean that in a financial aspect. What price are we paying at the expense of financial gain? It’s cyclical really. Our community grows so we have more individuals looking for employment. More people in needs of services that businesses provide. So it’s a given that businesses need to expand to be able to keep up with demand. Yet, where does it end?


I am so thankful that I found those pictures so that one day when I sell my book and save up money I can buy my mom a house and reconstruct the fireplace and cherubed ceilings for her. Not to regress but to give her back something that was stolen from her. Something that she loved that was violated, and destroyed while she was powerless to stop it from happening.


A house is more than the wood, steel, furniture and wires that provide protection. It’s a place full of energy. Both positive and negative. It’s an unspoken member of the family. An overseeing guardian. Someone or something to watch over you. To feel along with you.

When our parents sold our childhood home we all cried. It was time. The outer laying community was expanding and congesting. Living on the corner was no longer conducive to our lifestyle. If we could’ve picked up the house and moved it somewhere quieter we would have. But that wasn’t the case. There was some comfort in knowing that a house that took such great care of us as a family was now going to be able to do the same for a new family. There would be children again running up and down the stairs, playing in the backyard, climbing the trees and sleeping on the floor. There’d be laughter, love and holiday celebrations. The house deserved nothing less. So when I drive passed I still blow it a kiss, place my hand over my heart and say a prayer of thanks for a great childhood.


I only wish my mom could do the same when she travels back to her hometown. Somehow I don’t think the home improvement building cares much.

My grandmother and her sisters-in-law (1964)

Patience and Responsibility: A match made here on Earth

I've come to the conclusion that we, as human beings, are moving so fast that much has gotten left on the wayside. We speed, not only on the road, but through our lives. Wanting to do everything at once and before our life is over. Life is precious. Why wait on what we can do now? I get all that. I believe it, up to a point. When we rush through our day without staying in the present then we lose something. What that something is I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, professor or historical specialist. I'm just little ole me, learning my own lessons and hoping to impart some of what I've learned to those who'd find comfort from my experiences.

In addition to racing through our day-to-day existence I've noticed how easy it has become, for some people, to project blame on anyone but themselves. Some drivers apparently don't know how to obey the speed limit in neighborhoods so let's add speed bumps or lower the speed. How does that change the habits or address the root of the problem? I understand that safety is the main issue at hand. Children should be able to walk down the road without the danger or someone racing around a corner. But, as much as I applaud local polictians and neighborhood watch members I also wonder whether people really care to figure out the root of the problem? Or are they more comfortable simply putting a bandage over the issue and saying they did something?

We are responsible for our actions. Not our parents. Not our employers. Not our children. Granted, there are many instances when the actions of others impacts us. That's a given! We're meant to connect with our friends, family and community. But...that doesn't mean we are exempt from taking responsibility of our choices and subsequent actions. We're living in a "He started it" kind of world these days. A country ready, willing and able to shirk our responsibilites and blame someone, anyone, else in lieu of doing what's right, fair and just.

I've been told that patience is a virtue. Is that because it's rare? I certainly hope not. I do know one thing, I'm not waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. They've already speeded on by without a second glance!

What a difference a week makes!

The day after the Tonys last week I took to my blog to write about how much I enjoyed the awards ceremony. I had sincerely hoped that I’d be doing the same next week after the Daytime Emmys. But unfortunately, that’s not the case. Last night’s Emmy ceremony was an absolute disgrace and utter embarrassment to not only the daytime fans but to the hardworking cast and crew who work so tirelessly in this industry.

I lost count how many times I raised my hands in frustration and exclaimed, “What does this have to do with anything?” From performances that had no connection to daytime (other than promoting Las Vegas shows) to blatant commercials for Las Vegas and other resort destinations. And as much as I truly believe that Oprah Winfrey deserved to be recognized for her remarkable achievement in the daytime industry did we really need two celebrity performances? I would’ve much rather seen clips from her 25 year history that reflected the integrity, excellence and class she was so well known for. You could’ve cut the first montage of celebrity guests, the musical tributes and just had the clips of how Oprah made an indelible imprint on the industry.

What we should have been treated to was a celebratory evening where the work of the nominees took center stage. Why not take the time and energy into putting together well-thought out montages of each drama series nominated for Best Daytime Drama? It’s not like it’s never been done before! There weren’t even brief clips of the nominees when their categories were announced. For those of us who don’t watch all the nominated shows it would’ve been beneficial to learn what made their show worthy of a Best Drama nomination.

I applaud CBS for keeping the Daytime Emmy awards on the air but I am confused as to why they made that decision if they weren’t going to treat the ceremony with the respect and admiration it rightly deserved.

So while Las Vegas seems like a great place to visit, charitable organizations are deserving of our appreciation and self-promotion can be a handy device they have no place in an award show ceremony. Especially when they detract from the nominees, the industry and their fans.