Taking Sides

Taking sides. We all do at some point. Maybe not to an extreme but we have opinions that can sometimes lead to passionate points of view.


You’re either Pro-Choice or Pro-Life, Republican or Democrat, part of a union or the organization that holds the purse strings. Our society, in general, is a very vocal one. We don’t hold back from speaking our mind. I applaud those who don’t shy away from issues of differing opinion. What I don’t agree with is the apparent belief that inflicting verbal, physical or mental harm on someone else simply because your points of view don’t match is acceptable. It is not; in any way, shape or form.

I do not deny that I feel passionately about certain subjects. I’ve picked sides and I still do. I’ve chosen a political viewpoint that reflects the ideals I hold most precious. And there are absolutely times when I cringe when I find out a friend or colleague may be of an opposing political affiliation. But that moment passes and I’m left with the knowledge that whatever our differences may be we are fundamentally the same. We have goals, wishes, hopes, strengths and hurdles to overcome.

That’s not to say that the side we choose does not have meaning. It does. Our beliefs and actions matter to us. Otherwise we wouldn’t be so adamant and passionate about those opinions we vocalize. So to say that your political views, social interactions or position on human rights issues doesn’t somehow reflect who you are…I ask “How could it not?” The choices we make define us. Sometimes to our benefit but other times to a fault.

I tend to gravitate more to those who share my ethical, moral, religious and political ideologies. These individuals are people whose actions, beliefs and personality types inspire me and comfort me; Individuals who believe in climate change and do what they can to make a difference. Those who fight to free those imprisoned by violence, bigotry or cruelty. Community members who choose to offer support, kindness and respect even when they themselves are struggling. These are the people I admire. The ones that I feel a kinship with.

You only have to read interviews from opposing sides to realize that they appear to be on completely different worlds. They aren’t always fighting about the same issue. They aren’t anywhere near one another in understanding, respect and forward thinking. They both believe their opinion is the right one and NO ONE will dissuade them otherwise. In their minds they are correct and those who disagree – merely misguided. I suppose that’s why it’s called extreme.

What’s most perplexing, and rather disturbing, to me is the lack of communication; respectful communication. You may feel strongly about an issue whether it’s protecting the environment, child poverty or human trafficking. You get all riled up and motivated to speak your mind, desperately wanting someone else to hear what you have to say. And rightly so. Your opinion matters – and not only to you.

Our society strengthens when we, as a community, choose honest discourse. When we are able to sit across from one another and have open communication without the need to start a food fight. I’m opposed to hunting. I find it deplorable, despicable and down right cruel. But, I have family members and ancestors who partake in this activity. While I disagree vehemently with their choice of action I respect that it theirs to make. Instead of sulking, holding resentment or badmouthing them at every turn I choose to use written communication as my way of opening dialogue. All that I can’t find the words to say when face to face with controversy I can express fluidly through my writings.

My opinions, actions and writings say a great deal about that which I care about. It’s not all that defines me but it’s a pretty big part.

A Silent Voice

Working in the retail industry you learn fairly quickly that the “customer is always right”. Uh-huh, sure they are! But you nod, smile and tell them you appreciate their business. They can yell, complain and voice their opinion to anyone who’ll listen. There are those customers, you know the ones, who have no qualms whatsoever about vocalizing their opinions. They’ll rant, rave and cause a scene if that means they can make their point loud and clear.



But what about those of us who don’t shout from the rooftops, demand to see the manager or send scathing letters to the editor? We have opinions. We have a voice. We just don’t cause a ruckus like others tend to do. We take stock (not literally) of our surroundings. We pay attention to the actions of others. We listen, observe and make assessments based on what we see and hear. We have strong points of view on certain subjects like decency, respect and courtesy. If we don’t like the service we receive as a customer we’ll simply discontinue our business, without fanfare.



So, while there are many in our community who fill our editorial sections, public speaking forums and social media outlets with outspoken comments there are just as many who remain silent. And it is those individuals I wish to address today.



As someone who tries to avoid confrontation I tend to dislike controversy. If my opinion differs from the majority (which happens quite frequently as of late) I’ll take to my notebook and write feverishly all that want to say but don’t have the courage to vocalize in public. Sound familiar to anyone? I’ll get all riled up reading a newspaper article lambasting teachers and after some deep breathing exercises I’ll proceed with my day. When I hear a politician talk about stripping rights away from fellow citizens I shake my head and change the channel. But when someone negatively critiques a TV show that I love I’m immediately taking to my computer and writing well-thought out counterpoint arguments. Now, why do I hesitate on issues that hit close to home when I have no qualms making my opinion heard on entertainment topics? For one, speaking out about civil/human rights, respectful discourse, political issues and teacher negotiations means that while my opinion may be mine alone it doesn’t always stop other individuals from using my words to inflict harm on others.



I have not spoken up about my opinions on important subjects precisely because I worry that my words could be irrationally projected onto those I care about. As though they’re standing over my shoulder telling me what to type and think. Preposterous! But yet I worry. Rationally, I know that the majority of my fellow citizens understand and appreciate a person’s right to freedom of expression. But there are those who scour for reasons to cause trouble. To pick and choose your words and twist them to their own advantage. All you have to do is look at snippets from interviews with politicians and entertainers. It’s like a major cut-and-paste job. Then those whose words were misconstrued now have to scramble to explain themselves.



I like to think of this as the “witness stand” effect. You say the least possible as to not give the other person enough room to twist your words for their own benefit. But what does that say about us? I believe in a balance between freedom of expression and using your words with care. Language is an incredible way for us to communicate. It’s an art form really. Picking and choosing particular words, phrases and sentences to convey meaning and intention. Those who decide to use words to inflict harm upon others have violated the very language they so freely utilize.



And so…I implore those of you who may have very strong opinions to speak up. You may likely have resisted the desire to make your voice heard but in doing so we allow the words spoken in anger, hatred and frustration to fester within our community. Our opinions may not always be of the same viewpoint but when we choose to communicate with decency and respect then that helps further discussion and growth for us all.

Pet Peeves

I have a ton of pet peeves. Truly, I do! For example, clothes left in dressing rooms, carts abandoned in parking spaces and cars that are apparently made without turn signals. My initial reaction upon seeing any of the above is immediate disappointment, frustration and annoyance. “Why are people so lazy,” I say. Then I stop, take a deep breath and re-examine my thinking. Sure, we all have moments when we're having an awful day and just don't feel like taking the effort to wheel a shopping cart 5 spaces back to its covered home.

Who am I to judge the reasons behind someone else's choices? Perhaps that person woke up to bad news, recently suffered a great loss or is overwhelmed with stress. My frustration, as true as it may be at the time, doesn't do anyone any good. Most of all me! So, the next time I answer the phone and a customer's unhappy, displeased and aggravated tone of voice greets me it's up to me to decide how I react. Do I counter their malcontent with my own? Or do I take a moment and realize there could be more going on in that person's life then I know?

How often do we say “Don't take it personally” then turn around and do just that? That annoyed customer may deflect her issues onto me because I'm the one who answered the phone but if I allow her actions to define mine then I'm only perpetrating further malcontent. I can't control anyone's actions but my own.

Those of you reading this will hopefully consider who really feels the effects when you become enraged because someone cuts you off, drives too slow or stops at a yellow light. You may honk your horn at me, that's your choice. But it's also mine to shake my head and continue on my way without letting your actions define mine.

All the best,
Kelly

A public service announcement

I am a product of the public school system; and very proud of that fact! I never had to wear a uniform, learn any specific theology, or endure unreasonable expectations. That's not to say that I loved every single part of the public school experience. I did not. My biggest complaint was the restrictions placed upon the students by the administration. It felt more of an obligation to go to school than a personal enhancement regimen.

I hated getting into trouble; which is odd because I so rarely did. I suppose it was more disappointment that bothered me more than anything else. I had the disorder known as "people pleasing" from a very early age. Once I arrived at Junior High School the disorder became more intense; yet at the same time it battled against my ever growing independence. It was about that time in my life when I realized that my opinions were valid, even though they were not always asked for. You become a teenage and all of a sudden the level of respect you receive severly diminishes. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that it bothered me beyond reason.

Once I got to high school the irrational rules and expectations placed upon the students by those in a decision making position was at a frustrating level. I distinctly remember receiving the Student Handbook one year, which was almost as thick as a Shakespeare anthology, and being told that you couldn't graduate unless you turned in the signed page showing you read the Handbook. Really? That determined my ability to graduate? That meant that I had achieved what was needed from an education standpoint? It was absolutely ridiculous to me, but I signed the silly thing; without reading it.

I have a great respect and admiration for those who choose education as their chosen profession. I have from a very early age. At this point in my life I am surrounded by teachers in my private life. Numerous family members and dear friends are among those who work so tirelessly to impart wisdom, education and opportunity to the future generations. I loved my teachers, from a child's perspective. I didn't always like the teaching style of all of my professors but I respected their position. Their hard work and dedication to their craft impressed me and demanded my affection. Just as in any other line of work, there are always those who lose track of why they ended up in the career they're in now. You can easily become disillusioned, feel unimportant and disrespected despite the passion you have for the job you do. Teachers are not alone in that plight.

It wasn't until I CHOSE to continue my education on a university level that I realized why I disliked my high school experience so much. And it had nothing to do with my teachers; it was the self-serving, afraid of lawsuits, taxpayer pleasing administrators who treated the students as inferior that riled me up so much. In college, I didn't have to raise my hand or ask for a hall pass in order to use the rest room. I simply would get up quietly, leave the room and return just as unobtrusively as I left. Yes, it's possible! I also was responsible for my attendence, and subsequently what I put into my education I received two-fold. I so wish, looking back, that I had been treated with the same level of trust and respect in high school that I received in my college years.

What do I value most about my public school education? The diversity; among the students, the teachers and the subjects. I went to school to strengthen my education, not to socialize. That was a bonus! It was up to me whether I succeeded or not. And my definition of success may have differed from others. I failed in high school because I didn't have the confidence to speak up and voice my opinion when I felt it could improve the situation. I succeeded in college because I understood that it was up to me to detemine my own path in life.

Disappointed in Bucks County

Sitting here at the Borders cafe in my local town I should be working on the second draft of my novel. I had intended to do so when I opened my laptop to write. But something within me kept pulling me to focus my attention elsewhere. So after I complete this post I'll venture on to exploring the world of fiction. Right now, I need a non-fiction break.

I've been wholly consumed with disappointment lately. On so many fronts. Disappointment in not only my fellow citizens but in those of governmental power. Not everyone, mind you, frustrates me lately. But a good amount do. It is those who choose to speak with disdain, hatred, and judgment that have infiltrated my goal of positive thinking.

This past year has encompassed many difficult challenges within my community. Political upsets, taxpayer disgust and economic strain have unleashed a fury of negative actions from those overwhelmed with a desire to vent. Understandably, we are all doing our best to deal with the circumstances we face every day. Some choose to act with care, kindness, decency and thoughfulness. Others allow their bitterness, anger, fear and need for self-preservation to reverberate their every action and words.

As a result, I have been bombarded with all the negativity swirling around my fellow Bucks Countians. I allowed their unhappiness to infiltrate my life. I didn't know how to vocalize my disagreement or frustration as to how they were handling the challenges we faced. I couldn't understand why so many people were blatantly callous, cruel and selfish toward others who were doing the best they could given the circumstances.

I've come to realize that my journey does not, and should not, be dependent on the actions of others. If they choose to live a life full of hate, misunderstanding and misery than it is up to them to rectify the way they live. I still shake my head when I hear someone complain with hatred in their tone, or want to tear up the paper when I read an editorial diatribe. "To each their own" I like to say. I may not always agree with someone else's opinion but I respect that we're all learning. How someone deals with the challenges they face differs with how I'd handle the same situation. Doesn't make me right and them wrong; or vice versa. It just makes us individually experiencing the ups and downs on this ride we call life.

All the best,
Kelly