Writing with Respect and Care

To assume that it is acceptable behavior to call people names, threaten or even berate another person simply because you didn’t like what they did or said…who does that help?  No, really – I want to know!  Because it certainly doesn’t help the person you’re writing to nor does it benefit you.  It keeps you wrapped tight in displeasure, negativity and bitterness.  You may think that by sending a complaint letter filled with your rambling unhappiness you are cleansing your spirit of the issue.  I suggest a different perspective.  Until you use your words to offer insight, thoughtful discussion and concern for more than yourself then you remain stagnant in your personal and spiritual development.

 Understand that we are all on a journey; we’re just moving at a different pace than our family, friends and neighbors.  Some of us remain stuck in prejudice, hate and violence while others have learned that compassion, respect and unconditional love make the world better for us all.  The successes of one group of individuals doesn’t constitute misery for another.  Instead, it should offer hope and inspiration that we can achieve the same level of success.   My income is nowhere near that of professional athletes or entertainers, but I don’t begrudge them the money and/or success they’ve obtained.  I see possibility.  Instead of asking why they make more than me I wonder “How I can improve my own situation?”

 Does it make me furious to read letters filled with vitriol?  Absolutely, but I pause and consider that the individual is dealing with issues of their own and perhaps they can’t see passed their own struggles.  It’s understandable, but not excusable. 

 Be aware that the words you choose matter.  How you phrase them matters.  Your intention in writing them…matters!  Choose to move us forward, not back and you just may find that the situation gets a little better by just looking at it with a more compassionate set of eyes.

Taking Sides

Taking sides. We all do at some point. Maybe not to an extreme but we have opinions that can sometimes lead to passionate points of view.


You’re either Pro-Choice or Pro-Life, Republican or Democrat, part of a union or the organization that holds the purse strings. Our society, in general, is a very vocal one. We don’t hold back from speaking our mind. I applaud those who don’t shy away from issues of differing opinion. What I don’t agree with is the apparent belief that inflicting verbal, physical or mental harm on someone else simply because your points of view don’t match is acceptable. It is not; in any way, shape or form.

I do not deny that I feel passionately about certain subjects. I’ve picked sides and I still do. I’ve chosen a political viewpoint that reflects the ideals I hold most precious. And there are absolutely times when I cringe when I find out a friend or colleague may be of an opposing political affiliation. But that moment passes and I’m left with the knowledge that whatever our differences may be we are fundamentally the same. We have goals, wishes, hopes, strengths and hurdles to overcome.

That’s not to say that the side we choose does not have meaning. It does. Our beliefs and actions matter to us. Otherwise we wouldn’t be so adamant and passionate about those opinions we vocalize. So to say that your political views, social interactions or position on human rights issues doesn’t somehow reflect who you are…I ask “How could it not?” The choices we make define us. Sometimes to our benefit but other times to a fault.

I tend to gravitate more to those who share my ethical, moral, religious and political ideologies. These individuals are people whose actions, beliefs and personality types inspire me and comfort me; Individuals who believe in climate change and do what they can to make a difference. Those who fight to free those imprisoned by violence, bigotry or cruelty. Community members who choose to offer support, kindness and respect even when they themselves are struggling. These are the people I admire. The ones that I feel a kinship with.

You only have to read interviews from opposing sides to realize that they appear to be on completely different worlds. They aren’t always fighting about the same issue. They aren’t anywhere near one another in understanding, respect and forward thinking. They both believe their opinion is the right one and NO ONE will dissuade them otherwise. In their minds they are correct and those who disagree – merely misguided. I suppose that’s why it’s called extreme.

What’s most perplexing, and rather disturbing, to me is the lack of communication; respectful communication. You may feel strongly about an issue whether it’s protecting the environment, child poverty or human trafficking. You get all riled up and motivated to speak your mind, desperately wanting someone else to hear what you have to say. And rightly so. Your opinion matters – and not only to you.

Our society strengthens when we, as a community, choose honest discourse. When we are able to sit across from one another and have open communication without the need to start a food fight. I’m opposed to hunting. I find it deplorable, despicable and down right cruel. But, I have family members and ancestors who partake in this activity. While I disagree vehemently with their choice of action I respect that it theirs to make. Instead of sulking, holding resentment or badmouthing them at every turn I choose to use written communication as my way of opening dialogue. All that I can’t find the words to say when face to face with controversy I can express fluidly through my writings.

My opinions, actions and writings say a great deal about that which I care about. It’s not all that defines me but it’s a pretty big part.

A Silent Voice

Working in the retail industry you learn fairly quickly that the “customer is always right”. Uh-huh, sure they are! But you nod, smile and tell them you appreciate their business. They can yell, complain and voice their opinion to anyone who’ll listen. There are those customers, you know the ones, who have no qualms whatsoever about vocalizing their opinions. They’ll rant, rave and cause a scene if that means they can make their point loud and clear.



But what about those of us who don’t shout from the rooftops, demand to see the manager or send scathing letters to the editor? We have opinions. We have a voice. We just don’t cause a ruckus like others tend to do. We take stock (not literally) of our surroundings. We pay attention to the actions of others. We listen, observe and make assessments based on what we see and hear. We have strong points of view on certain subjects like decency, respect and courtesy. If we don’t like the service we receive as a customer we’ll simply discontinue our business, without fanfare.



So, while there are many in our community who fill our editorial sections, public speaking forums and social media outlets with outspoken comments there are just as many who remain silent. And it is those individuals I wish to address today.



As someone who tries to avoid confrontation I tend to dislike controversy. If my opinion differs from the majority (which happens quite frequently as of late) I’ll take to my notebook and write feverishly all that want to say but don’t have the courage to vocalize in public. Sound familiar to anyone? I’ll get all riled up reading a newspaper article lambasting teachers and after some deep breathing exercises I’ll proceed with my day. When I hear a politician talk about stripping rights away from fellow citizens I shake my head and change the channel. But when someone negatively critiques a TV show that I love I’m immediately taking to my computer and writing well-thought out counterpoint arguments. Now, why do I hesitate on issues that hit close to home when I have no qualms making my opinion heard on entertainment topics? For one, speaking out about civil/human rights, respectful discourse, political issues and teacher negotiations means that while my opinion may be mine alone it doesn’t always stop other individuals from using my words to inflict harm on others.



I have not spoken up about my opinions on important subjects precisely because I worry that my words could be irrationally projected onto those I care about. As though they’re standing over my shoulder telling me what to type and think. Preposterous! But yet I worry. Rationally, I know that the majority of my fellow citizens understand and appreciate a person’s right to freedom of expression. But there are those who scour for reasons to cause trouble. To pick and choose your words and twist them to their own advantage. All you have to do is look at snippets from interviews with politicians and entertainers. It’s like a major cut-and-paste job. Then those whose words were misconstrued now have to scramble to explain themselves.



I like to think of this as the “witness stand” effect. You say the least possible as to not give the other person enough room to twist your words for their own benefit. But what does that say about us? I believe in a balance between freedom of expression and using your words with care. Language is an incredible way for us to communicate. It’s an art form really. Picking and choosing particular words, phrases and sentences to convey meaning and intention. Those who decide to use words to inflict harm upon others have violated the very language they so freely utilize.



And so…I implore those of you who may have very strong opinions to speak up. You may likely have resisted the desire to make your voice heard but in doing so we allow the words spoken in anger, hatred and frustration to fester within our community. Our opinions may not always be of the same viewpoint but when we choose to communicate with decency and respect then that helps further discussion and growth for us all.

A lost home; a lost opportunity

My mother’s childhood home was torn down to put in a home improvement chain. A house that was built by her grandfather. One that was filled with love, laughter and memories. A place that died when her father did. I don’t presume to know the thoughts or opinions of those who chose to level the building but I can assume that my great-grandfather’s home was a hurdle to someone else’s economic and business needs.



I recently found a box of family photographs, some of which belonged to my maternal grandmother. In showing them to my mom for identification of people I didn’t know she would pause at each picture that displayed the house she grew up in. “I loved that fireplace,” she must’ve said at least a dozen times. “Oh, look at that ceiling. Did you find one with a shot of the cherubs?” She talked about the French doors, the family gatherings, the love she had for that place. And what once made me angry instantly made me sad.


There’s a reason that shelter is an essential part of our survival. To have a place that protects us from extreme elements, gives us a place to rest and privacy. But, in my opinion, it also gives us comfort and community. Pride in your achievements and motivation for reaching a goal. To know that a place that once was loved, valued and honored was destroyed so easily literally tears at my spirit. I hear the cries of pain, the wails of the spirits that once lived and loved there. The sadness of my family members who loved it so. Who gave so much attention to a building that cared for them.


I understand and accept that progress is inevitable. I don’t dispute that or wish us to cease growing, learning and improving. But…at what cost? And I don’t mean that in a financial aspect. What price are we paying at the expense of financial gain? It’s cyclical really. Our community grows so we have more individuals looking for employment. More people in needs of services that businesses provide. So it’s a given that businesses need to expand to be able to keep up with demand. Yet, where does it end?


I am so thankful that I found those pictures so that one day when I sell my book and save up money I can buy my mom a house and reconstruct the fireplace and cherubed ceilings for her. Not to regress but to give her back something that was stolen from her. Something that she loved that was violated, and destroyed while she was powerless to stop it from happening.


A house is more than the wood, steel, furniture and wires that provide protection. It’s a place full of energy. Both positive and negative. It’s an unspoken member of the family. An overseeing guardian. Someone or something to watch over you. To feel along with you.

When our parents sold our childhood home we all cried. It was time. The outer laying community was expanding and congesting. Living on the corner was no longer conducive to our lifestyle. If we could’ve picked up the house and moved it somewhere quieter we would have. But that wasn’t the case. There was some comfort in knowing that a house that took such great care of us as a family was now going to be able to do the same for a new family. There would be children again running up and down the stairs, playing in the backyard, climbing the trees and sleeping on the floor. There’d be laughter, love and holiday celebrations. The house deserved nothing less. So when I drive passed I still blow it a kiss, place my hand over my heart and say a prayer of thanks for a great childhood.


I only wish my mom could do the same when she travels back to her hometown. Somehow I don’t think the home improvement building cares much.

My grandmother and her sisters-in-law (1964)

Patience and Responsibility: A match made here on Earth

I've come to the conclusion that we, as human beings, are moving so fast that much has gotten left on the wayside. We speed, not only on the road, but through our lives. Wanting to do everything at once and before our life is over. Life is precious. Why wait on what we can do now? I get all that. I believe it, up to a point. When we rush through our day without staying in the present then we lose something. What that something is I don't know. I'm not a psychologist, professor or historical specialist. I'm just little ole me, learning my own lessons and hoping to impart some of what I've learned to those who'd find comfort from my experiences.

In addition to racing through our day-to-day existence I've noticed how easy it has become, for some people, to project blame on anyone but themselves. Some drivers apparently don't know how to obey the speed limit in neighborhoods so let's add speed bumps or lower the speed. How does that change the habits or address the root of the problem? I understand that safety is the main issue at hand. Children should be able to walk down the road without the danger or someone racing around a corner. But, as much as I applaud local polictians and neighborhood watch members I also wonder whether people really care to figure out the root of the problem? Or are they more comfortable simply putting a bandage over the issue and saying they did something?

We are responsible for our actions. Not our parents. Not our employers. Not our children. Granted, there are many instances when the actions of others impacts us. That's a given! We're meant to connect with our friends, family and community. But...that doesn't mean we are exempt from taking responsibility of our choices and subsequent actions. We're living in a "He started it" kind of world these days. A country ready, willing and able to shirk our responsibilites and blame someone, anyone, else in lieu of doing what's right, fair and just.

I've been told that patience is a virtue. Is that because it's rare? I certainly hope not. I do know one thing, I'm not waiting for the rest of the world to catch up. They've already speeded on by without a second glance!

Disappointed in Bucks County

Sitting here at the Borders cafe in my local town I should be working on the second draft of my novel. I had intended to do so when I opened my laptop to write. But something within me kept pulling me to focus my attention elsewhere. So after I complete this post I'll venture on to exploring the world of fiction. Right now, I need a non-fiction break.

I've been wholly consumed with disappointment lately. On so many fronts. Disappointment in not only my fellow citizens but in those of governmental power. Not everyone, mind you, frustrates me lately. But a good amount do. It is those who choose to speak with disdain, hatred, and judgment that have infiltrated my goal of positive thinking.

This past year has encompassed many difficult challenges within my community. Political upsets, taxpayer disgust and economic strain have unleashed a fury of negative actions from those overwhelmed with a desire to vent. Understandably, we are all doing our best to deal with the circumstances we face every day. Some choose to act with care, kindness, decency and thoughfulness. Others allow their bitterness, anger, fear and need for self-preservation to reverberate their every action and words.

As a result, I have been bombarded with all the negativity swirling around my fellow Bucks Countians. I allowed their unhappiness to infiltrate my life. I didn't know how to vocalize my disagreement or frustration as to how they were handling the challenges we faced. I couldn't understand why so many people were blatantly callous, cruel and selfish toward others who were doing the best they could given the circumstances.

I've come to realize that my journey does not, and should not, be dependent on the actions of others. If they choose to live a life full of hate, misunderstanding and misery than it is up to them to rectify the way they live. I still shake my head when I hear someone complain with hatred in their tone, or want to tear up the paper when I read an editorial diatribe. "To each their own" I like to say. I may not always agree with someone else's opinion but I respect that we're all learning. How someone deals with the challenges they face differs with how I'd handle the same situation. Doesn't make me right and them wrong; or vice versa. It just makes us individually experiencing the ups and downs on this ride we call life.

All the best,
Kelly

More or less

• I do not wish others less simply because I may have more.


• I do not wish unemployment on someone simply because I may be without a job.


• I do not wish a person who is well-off to lose money simply because I am struggling financially.


• I do not wish imprisionment on anyone simply because I long for freedom.


• I do not wish a woman to be childless simply because I have no children.


• I do not wish a healthy person to fall ill simply because I feel sick.


• I do not wish sorrow upon someone else simply because I may be grieving.


• I do not wish a joyful individual to know pain simply because I feel hurt.


• I do not wish heartache upon someone simply because I may be lonely.

Instead....

• I wish that all may know joy, compassion, forgiveness and most of all...love.


• That we, as individuals, start treating each other with more respect, kindness and understanding.


• That we all stop deflecting our worries, fears and issues upon those who do not share them.


• That we focus more on improving our own intellectual, emotional and spiritual needs while recognizing that everyone else is doing the same.

All the best!
Kelly