Writing with Respect and Care

To assume that it is acceptable behavior to call people names, threaten or even berate another person simply because you didn’t like what they did or said…who does that help?  No, really – I want to know!  Because it certainly doesn’t help the person you’re writing to nor does it benefit you.  It keeps you wrapped tight in displeasure, negativity and bitterness.  You may think that by sending a complaint letter filled with your rambling unhappiness you are cleansing your spirit of the issue.  I suggest a different perspective.  Until you use your words to offer insight, thoughtful discussion and concern for more than yourself then you remain stagnant in your personal and spiritual development.

 Understand that we are all on a journey; we’re just moving at a different pace than our family, friends and neighbors.  Some of us remain stuck in prejudice, hate and violence while others have learned that compassion, respect and unconditional love make the world better for us all.  The successes of one group of individuals doesn’t constitute misery for another.  Instead, it should offer hope and inspiration that we can achieve the same level of success.   My income is nowhere near that of professional athletes or entertainers, but I don’t begrudge them the money and/or success they’ve obtained.  I see possibility.  Instead of asking why they make more than me I wonder “How I can improve my own situation?”

 Does it make me furious to read letters filled with vitriol?  Absolutely, but I pause and consider that the individual is dealing with issues of their own and perhaps they can’t see passed their own struggles.  It’s understandable, but not excusable. 

 Be aware that the words you choose matter.  How you phrase them matters.  Your intention in writing them…matters!  Choose to move us forward, not back and you just may find that the situation gets a little better by just looking at it with a more compassionate set of eyes.

The Choices We Make

To those that choose hate, I wish you love.

 

To those who choose anger, I wish you calm.

 

To those that choose retribution, I wish you find the healing power of forgiveness.

 

To those that choose violence, I wish you awareness of the damage it'll cause.

You have a choice.  We all do - each moment of every day.  Choose love for yourself and others.  Choose to find understanding in the midst of confusion.  Choose friendship in lieu of a solitary existence.  Choose progress instead of a stagnant life.  Choose hope instead of despair. Choose a non-violent response instead of harm to yourself or your fellow spirits.  Live a life full of unconditional love and understand that we all have a choice.

I seek answers to even the most difficult of questions.  Even though I'm disgusted and heart-broken when others cause unspeakable violence I choose to ask the why's and the how's. Why would anyone make such a deplorable and soul-damaging choice?  How can we move forward so that we overpower the hatred with unconditional love?

Call it religion.  Call it spirituality.  Call it naïve or weak.  Call my viewpoint what you will, but I will continue on making these choices. Because maybe, just maybe, someone finds comfort, inspiration or hope in what I write.

Fill That Glass!

I consider myself to be a “glass half-full” type of person. I’m optimistic, hopeful and generally believe in the goodness of others. That being said, or written to be more precise, there have been many instances where I regret the choices I made. Granted, those choices led me along a path that brought to where I am now but holding onto all these regrets have caused me to doubt the joy, happiness and confidence of the person I am today.

For example, I’m an entertainment girl. Through and through. With every fiber of my being, every beat of my heart and every molecule of my aura I am an artist. I sing. I write. I adore musical theatre. I will willingly choose sitting down and watching a TV show rather than read a book. I relish the enjoyment, artistry and creative stimulation these forms of entertainment bring to my life. For so long I devalued them. I believed the generalizations from others that my affinity for these types of superficial interests held no merit for a career, or any other long-term life planning. And so, I chose a different path despite the ache inside that yearned for me to listen to the artist within.

I hate money. I do. Really! Okay, so maybe I’m being slightly overdramatic. What can I say? I am a daytime drama fan. But seriously, issues of financial stability have plagued me since my high school years. Finding a career path that led to a stable future was promoted in lieu of being emotionally, spiritually and mindfully fulfilled? I listened to the opinions freely offered informing me that sometimes you had to take a job to earn money even though you may not like it. Who needs to be happy in what they do anyway? At least you’re bringing in money, right? Even as a teenager I knew there was something flawed in that line of thinking. Why would anyone willingly choose such misery? How is that productive? If, in fact, we only have one life to live (told you I was a soap fan) then why spend so much time and energy in a path so cut off from what you truly desire?

I've been on both ends of those extremes and I've been much happier pursuing that which brings me happiness, fulfillment and excitement.  When I stopped being so wrapped up in the negativity of "I'll never be a professional writer" I found ways to write simply for myself.  And eventually when I followed my instincts I opened myself up to new opportunities; including employment as a writer!

I spent way too much time being upset, frustrated and miserable but that was of my own choosing.  I choose now to embrace my creative interests and their importance in my life.  Because after all, it's up to me to fill my own glass!

Friendship

I'm a horrible friend.  That's not a challenge or a call for compliments.  It's my own realization; one I had to come to in order to progress on an emotional and spiritual level.

When it comes right down to it I'm not the one you can count on in a pinch.  If I promise something I don't always deliver.  It's true.  Just ask my family and friends.  My own interests take priority sometimes.  Even as a child this was the case.  I remember distinctly the day when I chose watching my soap opera instead of paying attention to my friend.  That moment's ingrained in my memory.

Not to say I don't care about or support my friends; I do.  I go see dance recitals and theatre performances to cheer on my artistic friends.  Where there's an emergency or someone's truly struggling I'm there without hesitation or question.  Because those are the moments that matter.  I just don't always pay close enough attention to the little moments and how my inactions may reflect poorly on other's good opinion of me.

Sometimes, most times, I'm horrible at calling my friends back.  I hate the telephone; in pretty much every situation.  Really I do.  I'd much rather talk face to face or in the most desirable form of communication - written form.  There are some friends I haven't spoken with or seen in nearly a year primarily because I just don't call.  Why?  It's a cycle.  I don't call them back asap then the days turn to nights and before I know it a week's gone by.  Then I'm ashamed I haven't gotten back to them and am embarassed.  So I put off finding out whether or not they're annoyed with me.

I don't like to disappoint people; especially family and friends.  It ties me in knots just thinking that my actions may have caused hurt feelings in those I care about.  I wonder what they think of me.  Some, most, probably worry about me.  "Have you talked to Kelly lately?  I hope she's okay."

I've recently come to accept that we're defined by our actions.  I can be kind, speak politely and offer advice but when I don't follow through on what I say I'm going to do then that truly speaks volumes.

All the best,
Kelly

Taking Sides

Taking sides. We all do at some point. Maybe not to an extreme but we have opinions that can sometimes lead to passionate points of view.


You’re either Pro-Choice or Pro-Life, Republican or Democrat, part of a union or the organization that holds the purse strings. Our society, in general, is a very vocal one. We don’t hold back from speaking our mind. I applaud those who don’t shy away from issues of differing opinion. What I don’t agree with is the apparent belief that inflicting verbal, physical or mental harm on someone else simply because your points of view don’t match is acceptable. It is not; in any way, shape or form.

I do not deny that I feel passionately about certain subjects. I’ve picked sides and I still do. I’ve chosen a political viewpoint that reflects the ideals I hold most precious. And there are absolutely times when I cringe when I find out a friend or colleague may be of an opposing political affiliation. But that moment passes and I’m left with the knowledge that whatever our differences may be we are fundamentally the same. We have goals, wishes, hopes, strengths and hurdles to overcome.

That’s not to say that the side we choose does not have meaning. It does. Our beliefs and actions matter to us. Otherwise we wouldn’t be so adamant and passionate about those opinions we vocalize. So to say that your political views, social interactions or position on human rights issues doesn’t somehow reflect who you are…I ask “How could it not?” The choices we make define us. Sometimes to our benefit but other times to a fault.

I tend to gravitate more to those who share my ethical, moral, religious and political ideologies. These individuals are people whose actions, beliefs and personality types inspire me and comfort me; Individuals who believe in climate change and do what they can to make a difference. Those who fight to free those imprisoned by violence, bigotry or cruelty. Community members who choose to offer support, kindness and respect even when they themselves are struggling. These are the people I admire. The ones that I feel a kinship with.

You only have to read interviews from opposing sides to realize that they appear to be on completely different worlds. They aren’t always fighting about the same issue. They aren’t anywhere near one another in understanding, respect and forward thinking. They both believe their opinion is the right one and NO ONE will dissuade them otherwise. In their minds they are correct and those who disagree – merely misguided. I suppose that’s why it’s called extreme.

What’s most perplexing, and rather disturbing, to me is the lack of communication; respectful communication. You may feel strongly about an issue whether it’s protecting the environment, child poverty or human trafficking. You get all riled up and motivated to speak your mind, desperately wanting someone else to hear what you have to say. And rightly so. Your opinion matters – and not only to you.

Our society strengthens when we, as a community, choose honest discourse. When we are able to sit across from one another and have open communication without the need to start a food fight. I’m opposed to hunting. I find it deplorable, despicable and down right cruel. But, I have family members and ancestors who partake in this activity. While I disagree vehemently with their choice of action I respect that it theirs to make. Instead of sulking, holding resentment or badmouthing them at every turn I choose to use written communication as my way of opening dialogue. All that I can’t find the words to say when face to face with controversy I can express fluidly through my writings.

My opinions, actions and writings say a great deal about that which I care about. It’s not all that defines me but it’s a pretty big part.

A Silent Voice

Working in the retail industry you learn fairly quickly that the “customer is always right”. Uh-huh, sure they are! But you nod, smile and tell them you appreciate their business. They can yell, complain and voice their opinion to anyone who’ll listen. There are those customers, you know the ones, who have no qualms whatsoever about vocalizing their opinions. They’ll rant, rave and cause a scene if that means they can make their point loud and clear.



But what about those of us who don’t shout from the rooftops, demand to see the manager or send scathing letters to the editor? We have opinions. We have a voice. We just don’t cause a ruckus like others tend to do. We take stock (not literally) of our surroundings. We pay attention to the actions of others. We listen, observe and make assessments based on what we see and hear. We have strong points of view on certain subjects like decency, respect and courtesy. If we don’t like the service we receive as a customer we’ll simply discontinue our business, without fanfare.



So, while there are many in our community who fill our editorial sections, public speaking forums and social media outlets with outspoken comments there are just as many who remain silent. And it is those individuals I wish to address today.



As someone who tries to avoid confrontation I tend to dislike controversy. If my opinion differs from the majority (which happens quite frequently as of late) I’ll take to my notebook and write feverishly all that want to say but don’t have the courage to vocalize in public. Sound familiar to anyone? I’ll get all riled up reading a newspaper article lambasting teachers and after some deep breathing exercises I’ll proceed with my day. When I hear a politician talk about stripping rights away from fellow citizens I shake my head and change the channel. But when someone negatively critiques a TV show that I love I’m immediately taking to my computer and writing well-thought out counterpoint arguments. Now, why do I hesitate on issues that hit close to home when I have no qualms making my opinion heard on entertainment topics? For one, speaking out about civil/human rights, respectful discourse, political issues and teacher negotiations means that while my opinion may be mine alone it doesn’t always stop other individuals from using my words to inflict harm on others.



I have not spoken up about my opinions on important subjects precisely because I worry that my words could be irrationally projected onto those I care about. As though they’re standing over my shoulder telling me what to type and think. Preposterous! But yet I worry. Rationally, I know that the majority of my fellow citizens understand and appreciate a person’s right to freedom of expression. But there are those who scour for reasons to cause trouble. To pick and choose your words and twist them to their own advantage. All you have to do is look at snippets from interviews with politicians and entertainers. It’s like a major cut-and-paste job. Then those whose words were misconstrued now have to scramble to explain themselves.



I like to think of this as the “witness stand” effect. You say the least possible as to not give the other person enough room to twist your words for their own benefit. But what does that say about us? I believe in a balance between freedom of expression and using your words with care. Language is an incredible way for us to communicate. It’s an art form really. Picking and choosing particular words, phrases and sentences to convey meaning and intention. Those who decide to use words to inflict harm upon others have violated the very language they so freely utilize.



And so…I implore those of you who may have very strong opinions to speak up. You may likely have resisted the desire to make your voice heard but in doing so we allow the words spoken in anger, hatred and frustration to fester within our community. Our opinions may not always be of the same viewpoint but when we choose to communicate with decency and respect then that helps further discussion and growth for us all.

Workshopping

Hello to all my followers (aka me, myself and I)!

It's been quite some time since I last posted to my blog. That's not to say I have not been writing though. I have been. And quite fervently for that matter. I've been working on my novel, forming a non profit corporation and organizing/faciliating writing workshops.

Not to mention that I started a part-time job last month. Unfortunately, due to the nature of our economy and health insurance necessity I am still in search of a full-time position. Oh, to make my living doing what I love! Why can't I? I doubted for many years the realistic opportunity of following my instincts when it came to a career. I didn't believe I could make a living out of writing, singing or any other entertainment focused interest.

It's just been within the last year that I came to the realization that the only thing holding me back was me! If I continued believing I couldn't make a career out of my passionate, creative interests then I only had myself to blame. I had to take a step back, re-examine my point of view and embrace the soulfulness within.

Art has always and will always be the connecting link between my physical existence and my spiritual growth. Music, writing, film, television and musical theatre have been my salvation; my source of strength and indentity for so many years. But I never understood the reason I relied upon these entertainment outlets instead of the "real life" avenues which were more acceptable.

Art therapy and music therapy are well represented in this society for their beneficial assistance to others. Yet, my belief that art is not only beneficial but necessary for spiritual growth has not been examined; so far as I can tell anyway.

And so...I keep shopping around for the career best suited to that which I am looking to achieve. A life full of laughter, joy, purpose and creative expression. To feel fulfilled even during difficult times. To be surrounded by people who offer support, strength, love and laughter. To be respected for my insights, opinions and motivation while still yearning to learn all that I can.

Best wishes!

Drafting

The first draft is done!!!!!! And was completed by July 4th. Now, I've given myself 3 months to review, revise and revisit (?) draft#2.

Accomplishing that goal felt absolutely magnificent and for about a week I didn't pick it back up again. When I finally did, I found a chapter that needing tweaking and went to work. An idea came rather quickly that helped clarify a primary conflict in the story.

I truly love the revision process! I don't mind criticiques or constructive criticism one bit. I'd much rather have someone tell me what needs fixing or clarification now then have readers confused and frustrated later on.

So, here I go along the next path in my novel writing venture.

Best wishes,
Kelly

Independence

July 4th; a day full of celebration, good food, parades and fireworks! I look forward to this particular holiday every year. In celebrating the birth of the nation I call home there's a complex mixture of honor, pride, sadness and grief when I think about all the progress won after much despair. Acknowledging the hardships our ancestors encountered in the fight for independence makes me look at my own life and the choices I've made.

One of the major reasons I look forward to the 4th of July this year is due to a self-imposed goal. I've been working on a novel that has provided me with much inspiration and a few difficulties along the year and a half journey so far. I've spent so many years starting writing projects that stemmed from an image or idea that wouldn't let go until I wrote it down. However, it was a rare situation indeed when I my initial inspiration led to a completed work. The novel I'm working on now started from a single image and has flourished into a piece of art that keeps my interest every day. Sure I've had my fair share of stuck moments when I couldn't figure out what my protagnist's motivation was or how to transition into the next chapter...but I've learned not to force the progress. What I've created so far holds too much value for me to rush it.

That being said, I am about 85% complete the first draft. There are just a few more tweaks to be done and transitions to input before I can send out the completed manuscript to friends and family for review. My self-imposed first draft completion date of July 4th, 2010 has motivated me each and every day to reach my goal. And reach it I shall!

So on this Independence Day I will be celebrating with family and friends while knowing that I have started along a path all my own; independently!

All the best,
Kelly