Fill That Glass!

I consider myself to be a “glass half-full” type of person. I’m optimistic, hopeful and generally believe in the goodness of others. That being said, or written to be more precise, there have been many instances where I regret the choices I made. Granted, those choices led me along a path that brought to where I am now but holding onto all these regrets have caused me to doubt the joy, happiness and confidence of the person I am today.

For example, I’m an entertainment girl. Through and through. With every fiber of my being, every beat of my heart and every molecule of my aura I am an artist. I sing. I write. I adore musical theatre. I will willingly choose sitting down and watching a TV show rather than read a book. I relish the enjoyment, artistry and creative stimulation these forms of entertainment bring to my life. For so long I devalued them. I believed the generalizations from others that my affinity for these types of superficial interests held no merit for a career, or any other long-term life planning. And so, I chose a different path despite the ache inside that yearned for me to listen to the artist within.

I hate money. I do. Really! Okay, so maybe I’m being slightly overdramatic. What can I say? I am a daytime drama fan. But seriously, issues of financial stability have plagued me since my high school years. Finding a career path that led to a stable future was promoted in lieu of being emotionally, spiritually and mindfully fulfilled? I listened to the opinions freely offered informing me that sometimes you had to take a job to earn money even though you may not like it. Who needs to be happy in what they do anyway? At least you’re bringing in money, right? Even as a teenager I knew there was something flawed in that line of thinking. Why would anyone willingly choose such misery? How is that productive? If, in fact, we only have one life to live (told you I was a soap fan) then why spend so much time and energy in a path so cut off from what you truly desire?

I've been on both ends of those extremes and I've been much happier pursuing that which brings me happiness, fulfillment and excitement.  When I stopped being so wrapped up in the negativity of "I'll never be a professional writer" I found ways to write simply for myself.  And eventually when I followed my instincts I opened myself up to new opportunities; including employment as a writer!

I spent way too much time being upset, frustrated and miserable but that was of my own choosing.  I choose now to embrace my creative interests and their importance in my life.  Because after all, it's up to me to fill my own glass!

Disappointed in Bucks County

Sitting here at the Borders cafe in my local town I should be working on the second draft of my novel. I had intended to do so when I opened my laptop to write. But something within me kept pulling me to focus my attention elsewhere. So after I complete this post I'll venture on to exploring the world of fiction. Right now, I need a non-fiction break.

I've been wholly consumed with disappointment lately. On so many fronts. Disappointment in not only my fellow citizens but in those of governmental power. Not everyone, mind you, frustrates me lately. But a good amount do. It is those who choose to speak with disdain, hatred, and judgment that have infiltrated my goal of positive thinking.

This past year has encompassed many difficult challenges within my community. Political upsets, taxpayer disgust and economic strain have unleashed a fury of negative actions from those overwhelmed with a desire to vent. Understandably, we are all doing our best to deal with the circumstances we face every day. Some choose to act with care, kindness, decency and thoughfulness. Others allow their bitterness, anger, fear and need for self-preservation to reverberate their every action and words.

As a result, I have been bombarded with all the negativity swirling around my fellow Bucks Countians. I allowed their unhappiness to infiltrate my life. I didn't know how to vocalize my disagreement or frustration as to how they were handling the challenges we faced. I couldn't understand why so many people were blatantly callous, cruel and selfish toward others who were doing the best they could given the circumstances.

I've come to realize that my journey does not, and should not, be dependent on the actions of others. If they choose to live a life full of hate, misunderstanding and misery than it is up to them to rectify the way they live. I still shake my head when I hear someone complain with hatred in their tone, or want to tear up the paper when I read an editorial diatribe. "To each their own" I like to say. I may not always agree with someone else's opinion but I respect that we're all learning. How someone deals with the challenges they face differs with how I'd handle the same situation. Doesn't make me right and them wrong; or vice versa. It just makes us individually experiencing the ups and downs on this ride we call life.

All the best,
Kelly